Author: Addie Parker
•6:56 AM

 
 
I'm just so tired. I sit at work during the day and STRUGGLE to just function. Just focus. I try to pull motivation from the dark recesses of my mind. Why am I doing this? What am I here for? Why is client number A12345678 important? Am I going to be able to do the same process five more times in the next half hour without banging my head on my desk? 
My boss asked us today if we were feeling caught up. Caught up? Caught up is relative. We will NEVER be caught up. And when we tried to tell her how we were doing, she just didn't get it. She has no clue.
 
I break down, pull a dollar fifty out of my purse, and get a diet pepsi from the vending machine. Caffeine might help.  So would breakfast, but that didn't happen this morning. Ripping myself out of bed in the mornings has become increasingly difficult. I just want to stay where my covers are warm, my sheets are soft, and my dreams are like watching a funny movie. I don't want to get up only to go to a place where my opinion isn't valued, my years of experience no longer matter... where I'm just an expendable body filling a seat and processing 18 bajillion things at once.
 
But I do. I come. I sit. I work. I take years off of my life (I'm sure). And why?
 
Because I have a job. Because I am one of the lucky ones. I can count on a steady paycheck being deposited directly into my bank account every other Friday.  I have vacation days and sick days and personal days stored up for use when I need them.  I have health insurance. I get raises. Twice a year! Guaranteed!
 
I am one of the lucky ones. I spend the bulk of my week being abused by clients and unsupported by management. But I am one of the lucky ones. So many others just want a job. Any job at all. Anything to pay the bills. I've got that. So many others can't pay for medical bills. I don't have to worry about that.
 
So on days like today, I just have to take a few minutes and put my priorities in order. Count my blessings. Remember to be grateful.
 
I am thankful for my steady, secure job.
 
I am thankful for nights when I leave my job, have fantastic girl time with my amazing friends, and come home afterwards to find that my husband has power-cleaned the house for me.
 
I am thankful for scarves and sweaters and blankets and furnaces.
 
I am thankful (kind of) that I have weight to lose because it means I'm well-fed. 
 
I am thankful for the opportunity to help others- with a phone call, a connection, a donation, a listening ear.
 
I am thankful for Panera's macaroni and cheese. MMMMmmmmm.
 
I am thankful for the crazy, mathematically improbable, awesome miracle of pregnancy (in my close friends, not in me- it'll be a bigger announcement than that! geez, I can't even believe you thought that). : )
 
I am thankful for the snow plow and the salt truck drivers working tirelessly to make our roads safer.
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1 Comments:

On 7:52 AM, January 28, 2010 , Jen said...

I like my job...most days...and it has been hard to get out of bed. Winter is more difficult like that I think.

I, too, got abused yesterday by a "client"...aka parent...although it doesn't happen often this year, I know how it feels.

I love our girl time too and Panera's...chicken noodle soup.

I love...you! Hang in there. :)